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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Seahorse pregnancies - Ironclub/Samba and Dionysus/Zeus





Dionysus/Zeus : Son of mortal mom Semele and godly god Zeus. When Semele came to know that she got knocked up a divine playboy she asked him to reveal his true form, when he did, she couldnt handle the truth and perished in ensuing blaze form of Zeus.
Zeus rescued the fetal Dionysus by sewing him into his thigh. A few months later, Dionysus was born.
Yep, Zeus popped out Dionysus not from his whispering-eye but a little down ie from his thigh.
Dionysus was carried by papa in his thigh  instead of momma's womb (Semele and Zeus)

Iron rod/Shamba : (Imagine the bald badguy in Bruce Almighty who pops not pops out,but shits out a monkey?)
Let say he was stupid pranker like Dharun Ravi who had to be pay heavy undeserving prize for that.
Prank gone wild - His cousins dressed him up as a pregnant woman and placed him in front of a sage and asked him.
"What baby this woman is going to popout? boy or girl"
The sage got angry for he knew that it was Samba son of Lord Krishna (could have jumped off a bridge nearby) instead cursed below.
"This man dressed up as a woman will give birth to a ironrod(oolakkai - ancient tool used to crush millet into flour) and that would cause your family/lineage/hereditary's demise.

And Samba went through whole process and gave birth to iron club. The scared cousins crushed the club into power threw them at river. Newton's law - energy can be neither created nor destroyed.

The remains of ironclub piece nourished grass meadow near the river and sometime later the cousins and everyone in the family used that grass as sword to fight against each other and killed themselves.

Moral of the story:
1.People with anger/hatred issues should not be given power to do anything forget cursing or jury duty. 
(They should attend anger management sessions.)
2.For all Egyptian children, daddy becomes a mummy only after death but only for Dionysus his daddy became a mommy right after his birth.


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Venom and the wives - Shiva/Parvati and Loki/Sigyn



Loki and Sigyn :
The gods of Asgard after getting tired with Loki and his tricks, sentenced him to be held in captivity till Ragnarok.
Some of his allegations:
1. Tricking Hoor to kill Baldr.
2. Accomplice in the kidnap of Idun and her apples.
3. Stirring fights between gods.
Some of his service to Asgard:
1. He tricked the giant to build the wall and screwed him from getting his payment.
2. He tricked the dwarfs to create priceless possessions for the Asgard gods.
3. He did bring Idun back.
Sentence:
The gods turned one of his sons Vali to wolf and made him tear apart the other son Narfi.
Then used the guts of the dead son to tie up Loki to three stones.
A poison spilling serpent was tied right above Loki's head and it was dripping venom alltime. 
Wifey: (too bad she doesnt even get more than 2 mention in the whole mythology)
The faithful wife Sigyn sat next to Loki and was capturing the venom in a bowl.
Earthquake and Loki:
During every interval ie the short while whenever she tries to empty the bowl, the serpent's dripping venom caused so much pain to Loki. And his writhe in pain results as earthquake as per Norse mythology.

Shiva and Parvati :
Butter recipe:

How do you churn the buttermilk to get butter?
You need:
Rope - The serpent Vasuki was used as the rope.
Pole - The mountain Mandara is the pole, since ocean is very deep to keep it from sinking you also need a float.
Float - Lord krishna took avatar of turtle which mounted the mountain and held it from immersing.
Hands - Instead of two hands to churn the rope at both sides, one side had Asuras(giants) at head and other side Devas(demigods) at the tail.
Ingredients:
Buttermilk - here the ocean or the milky way is the buttermilk.
Method:
1. You twirl or churn the rope - The tug of war kind of motion between asuras and devas mimicked the churning process.
2. First you will get just the froth and foam. Discard the foam - Here instead of froth first they got poison "Halahala"
3. Then you will get cream, butter and stuff. They did get Lakshmi, Kamadenu, Divine horse etc., around 9 items - priceless possessions.
The poison "halahala" was too hot and too fierce it disrupted the churning process.
There was no place to throw the poison out. So the chief god of all, Lord Shiva offered to drink the poison and he did.
Wifey:
He was turning blue as a result of the poison, unable to bear this sight, the wife Parvati rushed and held his throat tight and prevented the poison from getting swallowed completely. The poison stuck in Shiva's throat forever.
Adam's apple and Shiva:
The stuck poison in throat remained as Adam's apple in men as per Hindu mythology and the deep voice.

Moral of the story:
1. Not all wives and women are poison, there may be exceptions like Sigyn and Parvati.
2. But the non-toxic wives are dumb.
( Sigyn, why cant she use a big bowl or a pipe to drain out the poison? Parvati, what happened to antidotes?)

Monday, March 19, 2012

Peeping toms and their curse - Anushya/Trinity and Athena/Teiresias





Teiresias and Athena
Teiresias is son of Shepherd Everes and mymph Chariclo.
You cant use English introduction here - Gentleman's gentleman because these peeping toms like Teiresias cant be introduced so. He saw what he wasnt supposed to see. A virgin when she is naked.
Bathing of Pallas:
When Athena was taking bath, Teiresias stumbled on the sight and never took his eyes off neither did he blink, the enraged Athena the virgin greek goddess with greek goddess body took off his eye sight and cursed him to go blind.
Curse:
Athena cursed him to become visually handicapped.
Momma Chariclo:
Whether abode in basement or when you are in deep attitude of abasement, there is always mommy for the rescue.
Nymph mommy Chariclo cried her hearts out to Athena to restore her son's sight, but Athena said it was too late.
Restitution:
Instead she offered to give him clean clear ears - audibility. He was able to hear and understand birdsong and got the gift of prophecy.


Trinity and Anushya
Anushya is wife of Atri. She is renowned as one of pathivirathas(the whole cooking, cleaning, and burning in fire to prove chastity kinda wife).
Narada- the stirrer of trouble, Indian version of Loki made wives of Alphagods(trinity) Shiva,Brahma and Vishnu jealous by overpraising her chastity. The jealous wives asked trinity to make a visit to her abode and test her chastity.
Trinity visit:
As said before, as per Hinduism, you are never supposed to deny the wishes of panhandler brahmin. The trinity disguised themselves as Brahmins and asked Anushya to serve them in nude.
Convinently the husband Atri was away.
Curse:
Here whether it is a curse or a trick, she used her power of chastity and turned them to babies and served them milk in the nude thereby not accumulating the brahmin curse and yet taking revenge for their dirty thoughts.
Trinity Wives:
I dont know whether greeks are momma-boys arent, Indian men sure move from their momma's boobs straight to their wife's boobs for sure.
So,instead of the mommies, the wives made the trip down to earth and asked her to release their husbands from their babyhood.
Restitution:
She released them. She asked trinity to be born as her kids and they granted her wish.


Moral of the story :
1.Diamond cuts diamond. One woman's curse can be cleared only by using another woman.
2.If you are unmarried, "momma to the rescue" and if you are married, "wifey to the rescue".
( Doesnt matter what you are charged with, it could be as humiliating as "peeping", "begging", "asking for nude service", have momma/wifey on speed-dial )
___________________________

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Eagles snatching the immortality elixir - Pjazi/Idun and Garuda/Amirtha


Pjazi and Idun
In Norse mythology,
Pjazi(eagle) kidnapped Loki when he tried to choo away the eagle and to release him from that Loki made a deal with Pjazi-eagle.
Deal:
Loki was to lure Idun-possessor of immortality secret - apples, out of Asgard.
Mission:
Loki lured her out by saying that he found similar apples  and wanted her to appraise or authenticate by comparing with those of hers - The apples of immortality.The secret of norse god's everlasting youth was Idun and her apples.
When she came out, Pjazi came again in eagle form and kidnapped Idun and as well as her apples.
Rescue:
When other gods realised Loki's involvement in disappearance of Idun, they forced him to retrieve her back. He took the form of a falcon and flew to Pjazi's place and turned Idun to a nut and brought her back to Asgard.
Aftermath:
When Pjazi came chasing back in eagle form the gods set fire on him and he fell dead.

Garuda and Amirtha
In Hindu mythology,
Garuda(eagle) had to release his mommy from the servitude from her sister and his cousin-brother serpents.
Deal:
In order to achieve that he had to steal immortality nectar Amritha from heaven.
Mission:
Garuda was able to retrieve Amirtha by signing couple of truces with Vishnu and Indra.  He offered himself as official vehicle for Lord Vishnu. The other one was with Indra.
Rescue:
He placed Amritha on the ground to the serpents thereby fulfilling his end of bargain to release his mommy, and advised them to take bath before consuming the immortality nectar. When they left Indra snatched the nectar back
Aftermath:
The serpents came back from their ablutions and saw the elixir gone but with small droplets of it on the grass. They tried to lick the droplets and thereby split their tongues in two. From then onwards, serpents have split tongues and shed their skin as a kind of immortality.

Moral of the story: Read the deal/contract twice or thrice before accepting. And watchout for the doublecrossers.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Lembas bread - AkshayaPatra/Pandhavas and Mjollnir/Thor

Remember Lords of the rings, Waybread or Lembas bread made by Elves? Any grown man can eat not more than 4 max? And the bread never runs out?

Thor's Mjollnir and the goats :
Thor's hammer was one of that kind. It served as a multipurpose tool. Whenever he got hungry, he would kill his two ever-replenishing goats Tanngrisnir -"teeth-barer and Tanngnjostr "teeth grinder". These goats they pull Thor's chariot.
And after meal and a heavy nap he will put the bones and hide together and hit the hide with his hammer the next morning and the goats will resurrect to life without any reminiscence of the mishap.
The goats that was "served" the before night will continue to "serve" the next day.
Catch:
The catch is,  you arent supposed to eat the hide or the bones. You can eat only the meat. You cant break the bones as well.
Mishap:
Thor even got two servants Roskava and Pjalfi for life as out of court settlement when Pjalfi broke the bone to suck the marrow during its role as dinner which left the goat's leg lame after rebirth.


Pandhavas's Akshayapatra:
It was a wonderful vessel given to Yudhishthira by the Lord Surya, which held a never-failing supply of food to the Pandavas every day.
During their exile period, Draupati the single wife of five brothers will cook food in that vessel and it could serve any number of people.
As per mythology any Kshatriya isnt supposed to send any person with empty stomach and all hermits and sages should thrive on panhandling.
Catch:
After Draupati finished her meal and it is washed and turned down for drying it cant revive food after sundown, only the next morning it can start it's inexhaustible meal process.
Mishap:
Once, couple of sages were sent to Draupati's abode past her meal time,she felt helpless because she didnt want to accumulate the wrath of the sages by denying them dinner.
When they left to take bath for their meal, Lord Krishna came down to save Draupati and he picked the left out single grain from the vessel(Draupati didnt wash it properly) and said "I am good" and that filled his stomach and the entire world's hunger and thereby the sages were no longer hungry and they left without their meal and Pandhavas didnt have to accumulate the wrath.

Moral of the story :
1.If you cant cook or clean, cook a story to make it look like it is a good sign. Blame the fate and destiny.
2. PETA and all newschannels could leave the Trump family and their Africa hunting spree photos and could start the new quest to bring Thor's goats along with his hammer from Asgard to Earth.

There are lot of old-wives tales like this in India for women to escape from their compromised hygiene, compromised cooking etc.,
1. If you happen to find hair in your meal, it means that the bonding between you and your guest is going to last forever.
2. If the food tastes too salty, it means that the cook is horny, you may get lucky with the cook that night.
3. Overflowing milk and rice are good because it may bring prosperity.
4. If your wife eats after you and in same plate as yours without washing, it means that she is very much in love with you, way deep.
5. If you cough during mealtime it means that someone is thinking of you.
6. If you empty the last drop you may marry an attractive spouse.
7. If you spill kumkum,vermilion it is a good sign.
8. Dont pick hairballs of someone else's. If you let them pick then the person to whom the hair belongs to and person who cleaned both may start to fight. To avoid altercation avoid cleaning.
9. Men arent supposed to shave or cut their hair, if their wife is pregnant. [This I think is tit for tat. Maybe to make them look less attractive during the unattractive period of knocked up wives]
10. Dont dressup or comb hair after sunset. [maybe due to limited visibility or maybe due to practice of Indian Geishas-Dasis who dress up during night time alone for their orgies]

Some of the English excuses I know
1. If girls eat the crumbs then she may have chest hair once she grows up.
2. Keeping weddingcake under the pillow to get vision of future husband? [I think again is excuse for all lazy obese ladies obessed with cake and wedding]

Monday, March 12, 2012

Kill your parent, love-other parent - Parasuram/Renuka and Cronus/Uranus

Uranus/Gaea/Cronus - Dada asking to kill momma to son
Cronus is the youngest son of Uranus(Sky) and Gaia(Earth).
They did have other hideous looking kids like Cyclops and Hecatoncheires.
 Uranus hid them in Tartarus,inside Gaia which caused her lot of pain.
And on top of all this, she was getting tired of knocked up game.
Uranus wasnt a seahorse or wasnt ready to borrow the pregancy.
So, in order to take revenge she asked her kids to kill their dad and free her from this non-stop marathon in bed - to make babies followed by popping out those.


Again we are talking about pre-Epidural, pre-spinal, pre-c-section period.
The older sons Titan, Lapetus were not ready to take that offer. 

But the youngest Cronus did and Gaia gave him a sickle and laid a trap for Uranus.
When he came near her, Cronus ambushed him and chopped off his genitals and threw them at sea. From his semen many more kids were born.


Here, Mama said "Hurt your daddy" and the son chopped off his dad's privates with the sickle his mama gave him.

Jamadagni/Renuka/Parasuram - Dada said kill your mommy and also siblings
Parasuram is the youngest son of Renuka and Jamadagni.
One day she was to fetch some water for her hubby's ritual, and accidentally she watched one of demigods in action with his wives.
You cant blame the woman, this happened during pre-porn or porn-free, vibrator-free period, she lost track of time.
The enraged hubby who came to know about this by clairvoyance considered it as infidelity and called for his sons.
See, men during that period too never tried to get viagra or anything, instead blamed the wife for infidelity.
He asked his kids to chop their mom's head off.
The older kids refused to kill.
Just then his last son Parasuram came back from one of his quest.
Jamadagni just told him to chop off his mom's head and also his brothers.
Parasuram didnt hesitate and chopped all of their heads.
Here Dada said "Kill your mommy" and the son chooped off his mama's head with his axe.

(Gaea could have switched places with Renuka but see these Greek woman I dont know maybe due to male-female ratio? like this Gaia she is actually the mom of Uranus and then she became his wife and gave birth to Cronus and Rhea and many. And her son Cronus married her daughter ie his sister Rhea- twisted and this never stopped till Roman Caesar and Greek Cleopatra)

Moral of the story: Never bring kids into parent's fight. Parasuram never got married and became a serial killer and his quest all through his life was to kill the men of royality (Kshatriyas). Cronus married his sister Rhea and never trusted his kids and swallowed all his children right after they were born.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Tribute to the service - Stripes on Squirrel's back and Eyes on Peacock's feathers


Argus and Hera
Zeus was married to Hera, and he had many concubines. Zeus turned Io-one of his concubines into a bovine and gifted her as cow to Hera.
The suspicous Hera appointed Argus as her private-eye to keep an eye on her cheating husband and the mistress cow.
Lucky for him he had 100 eyes. But Zeus unable to withstand anguish sent Hermes the messenger to shoot the guard.
Hermes wasnt as good as my physics teacher who can put 100 students with her monologue to sleep u in 10 mins, This guy after painful process of music and monologue succeeded in putting 100 eyes of Argus to sleep. Too bad he didnt have Adam Sandler's movies.
The tale of Pan and Syrinx finally lulled Argus to sleep. Once the hundredth eye had shut, Hermes struck, killing Argus in his slumber.

In tribute to her trusted watchman, Hera took the eyes of Argus and set them to the tail of her favorite bird, the peacock and not on peahen.
And who is the donor of coconut's three eyes, I dont know. And Hera didnt she know that the cyclops had only one-eye, if at all she wanted to donot Argus's 100 eyes, why werent cyclops considered?

Squirrel and Rama
In Ramayana, to resuce his kidnapped wife Sita from Lankan King Ravana, Rama had to cross the ocean to Srilanka from India.
With the help of monkeys and god of sea Varunan, he built Adam's bridge using all stones and trees and sand.
The Indian squirrel wanted to help out, so he rolled his back on beach sand and then ran off to the bridge and then twitched,waggled,wiggled hard to transfer the sand to the bridge.
It is the thought that counts.
So the pleased Rama, patted him on his back, maybe he patted too much because,his fingers left- not exactly fossiled but left an impression of his three of his fingers (index,middle,ring).
That also resembled the other type of dothead- symbol of hinduism identity Srinamam on Indian palm squirrels back.

Moral of the story: Poor squirrel he didnt even get peanuts for his service, all he got was, a heavy pat on his back, that should explain why they say that HELL is where you have "Indian salary"

And to read another common story between the Greek Argus's 100 eyes and Indian demigod Indra's 1000 eyes from 1000 whispering-eyes, click here.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Missed entry in the list : Mistletoe/Baldr and Human/Ravana

Mistletoe and Baldr:
Baldr is son of Frigga and Odin.
Baldr- the handsome had been having nightmares. And he tried to his mommy Frigga.
And as any mommy, his mommy listed out everything that could harm her son and asked for oath that no one and no thing shall harm her son.
She being the ultimate mommy and wife of Odin and all, everything accepted and took the oath.
She felt that mistletoe was too young and fragile and didnt ask for mistletoe's oath.
He is told to be the most handsome of all.
Having acquired this boon, all the gods were using him like guinea pig to test the boon by shooting and trying all ways to kill him but he remained unharmed.
The mischevous and jealous Loki tricked Frigg to spill this loophole and used the blind brother Hoor, to shoot mistletoe at him and Baldr-only birth son of Frigga, fell head.

Human and Ravana:
Ravana is the King of Sri Lanka former Ceylon.
He wanted to become an immortal emperor. He performed an intense penance to Lord Brahma.
He kept chopping his head off as part of penance but like Hydra it kept growing but not in multiples just one for one.
At last, Lord Brahma, pleased with his austerity, appeared after his 10th decapitation and offered him a boon.
Since immortality was no longer in store, Ravana was given choice to pick anything other than immortality.
Ravana listed everyone -gods, heavenly spirits,demi-gods,monsters, serpents, beasts, every single thing  and gave the list to Brahma and asked him to grant him the oath that he shall not be killed by anyone or anything in that list.
To Brahma this seemed easier than immortality, so he said "Wish granted".
Mortal men didnt seem to be a threat and he didnt include that.
Usually in hindu mythology after acquiring the boons these booned souls start to behave like goons and start to do unspeakable things.
Ravana did the same and in order to vanquish him, Lord Vishnu takes avatar of Rama(Human avatar) and killed him.

Moral of the story: If death is inevitable better enjoy and go for it. Why to hurt and trouble yourself to do the penance and get the boon and later get killed by trick and get into history with a bad title or as a bad guy. Live life of king size.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Abandoned wooden chest on waters: Sun-Karnan and Zeus-Perseus


Zeus-Danae-Perseus
Danae was imprisoned as a spinster by her daddy King Acrisius fearing the prophecy he heard from the oracle that his demise laid in hands of his daughther's son ie his grandson. The playboy King of Gods- Zeus came to her as gold shower and impregnated her.
After birth Acrisius, put his grandson as well as his daughter in a wooden chest and let it sail on Sea.
The chest was later found by a fisherman, who raised Perseus as his own son.
Perseus had his dad Zeus help him out, by getting him Adamantine sword, Hersus winged sandals, Hades's helm of darkness and Athena's shield, robot owl etc., through intimidation and bribery.,
Perseus leads a undeserving life like under par warrior and gets his way with Dad's dough. Which he manages to loose or discard after end of every quest.
Dummy guy given a hero status for no reason.
Sun-Kunthi-Karnan:
Kunti during her spinster days, had to serve a powerful hermit and after end of service, the sage offered her a boon which was, she could call upon any god of her choice, and receive a child through him. She wanted to test it out and called Surya- The Sun.
The Sun gave her a son.
She being unmarried couldn't afford to raise the baby, instead she put her baby inside a chest and let it sail on River Ganges.
The chest was later found by a charioteer and they raised Karnan as their own son.
And he grew up to be the most famous warrior of all times.
He being god of Sun, was born with jewels attached to his body and inherited all top qualities like mighty warrior, great personality, good looks, charity oriented, and kind and gracious from his dad - The Sun.
Karnan leads a cursed life and is denied many things just because of being a foster son of a charioteer.
Right hero wronged as a villain.

Moral of the story: This should go to Arnold Schwarzenegger. If you happen to father a kid, better to raise him far far away not necessarily put him on a chest and let him sail on waters. But can provide child support under a proxy like the above Sun or Zeus.

For more comparison mythology stories go here