Thursday, February 27, 2014

Iduna and Sita - Abducted women refuse to share their apples/cookies

Idun-Thiazi (22K)


Norse mythology:
Iduna:-Wife of Bragi
She had a wonderful garden with flowers , greens and blossoms everywhere. She had a apple casket where she had apples of youth. The casket never ran out, if she pulled one apple out, it got refilled with another apple automatically. The gods and goddess of Aesir- Asgard came to her garden and ate her apples and thus were able to beat mortality. The magic apples helped them maintain their youth and health forever.

The bait:
Loki had to fulfill a promise he made to Giant Thiassi, and that was to get him access to Iduna's apples. So, he tricked Iduna - he told her that nearby he saw another apple tree and the apples from that tree were more delicious and bigger and better than Iduna's. That definitely bruised her ego. He asked her if she wanted to come and check it out herself. He asked her to carry her casket too to compare it then and there.

Hubby's warning:
Iduna was told by husband not to wander away from home, she momentarily ignored that and stepped out of her gate and the giant Thiassi seized the moment and snatched her and her casket in the form of eagle and kidnapped her to his place.

As hostage and Ellewoman: Jotunheim
She was held hostage there and she denied to share her apples with the giant. And if he tried to force himself to pick one from the casket the apple started to shrink , shrink and shrink away to nothing.

Everyday giant came to ask Iduna if she had made up her mind to give him apples. And Idun always replied "NO". She was held a prisoner with no men around except Thiassi and ever happy Ellewoman. Ellewomens' bodies were hollow lacking heart and they totally lacked compassion.

Hindu mythology:
-Wife of Rama
Rama was crown prince of Ayothya. His dad had to fulfill a  promise he made to Rama's stepmom. Which was -Rama had to give up crown and be sent to forest for 14 years. During Rama's exile period in forest, he resided with Sita and his brother Lakshman in a small hut.

The bait:
Ravana - the evil king of Lanka asked his minion Maricha to disguise himself as a golden deer and chase the men out of the home. Maricha did and Sita asked her husband and her brother-in-law to go and catch the golden deer.

Hubby's warning:
The men left and asked her not to cross the magic line they drew around the hut to protect her. Ravana disguised himself as a yogi and asked Sita for food. When she came out with food, he refused and pretended to take offense when she refused to serve him crossing the line. Ravana couldn't cross the line. Sita didn't want to offend the yogi so she stepped out of line - literally, Ravana seized the moment and abducted her in his flying chariot - Vimana and took her to his place in Ceylon/Srilanka

As hostage and Rakshashi : Asoka vanam
She was held hostage there and she denied to share her cookies with the Rakshash . And if he tried to force himself on her, he would die that is a curse he accumulated for his previous rape attempt. So, in order to make her fall in love with him, he tried everything under the sun. He tried to lure her with all the things in the world. But Sita wasn't to budge.

Everyday Rakshash Ravana came to ask  Sita if she had made up her mind to give him her cookie. And Sita always replied "NO". She was held a prisoner with no men around except Ravana and Rakshashis - amazon woman of hindu mythology. These women had to say stories about Ravana and praise him and make Sita fall in love with him. Sita lacked compassion.

Moral of the story:
Lord Rama after rescuing his dear wife Sita, asked her to bathe in FIRE (Panchagni - Agni pariksha) to prove that she was indeed pure and she didn't share her cookie with anyone and she did and came out alive.

(If Sita was Andi and Rama was Juan Pablo of "The Bachelor" - ABC) Click here

Sita: I realized I wasn't in love with you and I will never will. I waited to say that in person to you.
Rama : Eesss oh-okay.
Sita: Okay? It's NOT okay. I had my wonderful place all to myself , a wonderful beautiful garden and Rakshana women who waited on hand and foot for me, the Lankan king offered me everything under the sun to fall in love with him and I rejected everything and I put myself out here for you, all for what? For you to set me on FIRE?

Rama : Esss okay.
            Did you die in the fire? No.
            Am I disappointed - yeah.. but Esss..okay...

Maybe Sita is mother of all women who fall for badguys. Because nice ones - Essss NOT oh-kay?

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Vali and Garuda - Grown in a day to be a pawn in mom's revenge game


Norse mythology:
Mom of Baldr and wife of Odin
Frigga was having nighmares about her son's demise. She prepared a list and asked everyone and everything to sign that they wont harm or kill her son. She didn't ask mistletoe since she felt it was too simple and fragile and couldn't harm her son. And so everyone did.
Everyone got intrigued and played a game and entered testing ie poke, try to kill Baldr with all weapons and everything. Mom's petition and sign worked. Noone was able to kill Baldr.
Death of half-brother:
The trickster Loki, knowing the missed out mistletoe list planed a trick. He tricked by tricking out Hoor's arrow with mistletoe and asked to join the game to test whether Baldr was truly invincible.
Hoor was blind.
Dad Odin even tried to revive or resurrect him by sending his other son Hermon to plead to Hel goddess to send him back. She agreed on one condition. If everyone wept for Baldr then she would send him back. Again, trickster Loki disguised himself as a witch and refused to cry.
The deranged mommy ordered a plate of Vali- express overnite delivery..
Son of Odin and giantess Rindr.

He was born in a day and grew up to a full human and slayed Hoor instantly.

Hindu mythology:
Mom of Garuda and another half-born(Aruna) and wife of Kasyappa.
Vinata and her sister Kadru were married to the same guy and both competed to become mom first.
Both of their wishes were granted, Kadru was given 1000 snake eggs and Vinata two eggs. Snake egg hatched early and Vinata couldn't wait long so she impatiently broken one egg open.
Death of half-brother:
Truly half-brother, because he wasn't born yet, since momma broke the egg early before it hatched, a half-human son from the broken egg came out furious and cursed his mom.
"You would become a slave to your sister and my brother after longtime will come and free you"
Game: Story
She lost a bet with her sister when they were playing game of white tail/black tail about the divine horse. Olden days blue car/red car. But loser becoming slave? Imagine that..
Half-human and half-eagle born from second egg  of Vinata and Kashyapa
The second egg hatched Garuda, immediately he was all grown and was raging man of fire. He had the ability to grow to mountain-size or shrink pea-size as he wished.
To release his mom from slavery he was to fetch elixir Amritha and give it to his cousin serpents.
He did and to take revenge till day snakes became his meal - bread and butter.

Garuda was the ally of the gods and the trusty mount of Vishnu, as well as the implacable enemy of snakes, upon whom he preyed at every opportunity

Moral of the story:
Revenge is best served cold but the server should be delivered piping hot and should grow super fast.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Erichthonius and Drona - Clone growing up in pot/box wombs

Son of Hephaestus but Athena
Image Source
Hephaestus is half-brother of Athena. He even helped his dad deliver Athena from his head by axing it.
Athena is virgin goddess. But when the virgin goddess sister came for help to procure some weapons, he overcame with lust and tried to chase and rape her.

The virgin goddess ran away rejecting his advances, the rejection led him to ejaculate. He did that on her thighs. The disgusted Athena wiped it away with wool and threw it in a box and closed it. That fluid become the monozygote (not a scientifically accurate term and this isn't a science blog ;)) for a fetus to develop inside the box.
The box became the womb for Erichthonius to develop to a full term baby.

I have thought about making homemade shampoos instead of whalesperm shampoos - now I am truly terrified. I cant have fetus growing inside shampoo bottles.

Son of Bharadwaj but Ghritachi
This sage was the son of Brihaspati. He had his hermitage on the banks of the river Ganga, close to the place where Ganga is born from the Himalayas.
One day, he went to the river to purify himself before performing his daily AgniHotra (fire) sacrifice. The Ghritachi was bathing in the river. As she arose from the river, her clothes got rearranged. When the sage beheld her semi-clothed beauty, he was struck with burning desire. He collected the fluid that emerged spontaneously from his body in a water pot.
Same logic, the monozygote developed to a fetus and grew up to become Drona.

This way doesn't involve morning sickness, mood swings or even the pot sized belly.

Pot becomes the belly.

Moral of the story:
Jerking off is genocide. Anti-masturbation is new code word for anti-infanticide.
( Dont miss this masterpiece )

All pro-life warriors should fight against wanking and fight to death to save life of all these potential babies to be born from wank spills.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Dionysus and Karthikeyan - Raised by constellation turned water-nymphs

Dionysus and Karthikeyan - Raised by constellation turned water-nymphs

Greek mythology:
File:Waterhouse Hylas and the Nymphs Manchester Art Gallery 1896.15.jpg
Image Source

Dionysus :
Son of Zeus and mortal Semele
Trick and Fire and Birth:
Hera the greeneyed wife of Zeus instead of confronting her playboy husband tricked Semele and planned her demise as well as her unborn's demise by asking her to request Zeus reveal himself in true form ie radiance, heat and light.
Zeus did comply though he didn't want to ,  Zeus came to her armed in his thunder and lightning and the mortal woman couldn't handle the all that and got burnt to ashes. Zeus revived his love-child fetus from ashes and sewed him in his thigh until he was ready to be born.
Dionysus is known as twice-born. The second birth was from fire and only Zeus was involved no intercourse, IUI or IVF. Dionysus is greek mythology version of cloned sheep Dolly :)
Dionysus was raised by water-nymphs ie rain-nymphs of Mount Nysa.
As a tribute they were turned to constellation called Pleiades.

Hindu mythology:
Son of Shiva and Parvati.
Trick and Fire and Birth:
A son born to Shiva and Parvati was supposed to kill the Tarakan an Asura(demon). But there was no romance sparking between Shiva and Parvati. So, the god of love "Kama" was sent to make Shiva fall in love with Parvati and impregnate her.  He indeed shot flower arrow on Shiva while he was in deep penance, but instead of sparking romance it unleashed a Colorado forest fire of rage. The enraged Shiva burnt Kama to ashes.

Then when Shiva cooled down, and after hearing to the need for a kid and why Kama had to shoot him and all, he agreed to comply. But inside of choosing to sleep with his wife and wait for another 10 months to pop out a kid, he fast tracked the process and  he created six balls of fire from his third eye and created 6 boys.
Another version mentions that the furious Shiva was spilling all fire from his third eye and his semen aka six semen seeds in form of fire spilled in the Saravana tank ie water-form of his wife Parvati and thereby six kids were born.
What to say, the birth wasn't water-birth but an IVF experiment in a water tank instead of petri dish?
They were all merged to one kid known as Karthikeyan. (My favorite god by the way)
He was raised by six water-nymphs known as Krithikais.
As a thanks to their service they were all made to constellation called Krithikai.

Moral of the story:
 Lord Shiva had some serious semen spilling problem. I couldn't recollect any biological kid of his,
-Murugan - Semen spill in tank
- Ganesha - Born from turmeric mold made by Parvati (Turmeric pinnochio?)
-Ayyapa - Born from semen pill of Lord Shiva to LGBT transgender avatar of Lord Vishnu's - Mohini.
In Iyyapa story he was immediately all attracted to Vishnu's transgender form Mohini, but here even after Kama's help  he couldn't impregnate his wife the traditional way. Even the almighty had performance problems.