Mimir/Odin and Shiva/Kannapar - Eye donors of mythological era



 

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Norse mythology - Barter
Mimir wisest god in Midgard. He had lovely garden with rare plants around a adorable precious fountain. Any one who drank water from that fountain became wise.
Odin he approached Mimir and asked him to let him drink water in order to obtain wisdom. But Mimir demanded price for that. Odin was ready to offer all the riches of Asgard, Midguard everything. And he said that since he is king of all men and gods he had to obtain wisdom. He was even to offer his 8 legged horse Sleipnir but Mimir wasn't interested in tangible assests and wanted an important part of his body as price and Odin agreed and he pulled out his eye and paid the price.
After having a drink from that fountain, Odin become so wise, clairvoyant everything.
Before drinking from the fountain, he had no brains, else why would he pull out his eye when he was alive?

To rule men and gods you need to have wisdom? what a lousy thought. Leaders of nation aren't supposed to have brains.


Hindu mythology - Donate
Kannapar: "Kan" literally means eye. Kannapar was born as Thinnan in a hunter family. He didnt know how to worship Lord Shiva - Lingam.

Idol worship has some rituals - wash the idol with water, turmeric, milk, mashed banana and honey and much more and then wash again and then decorate the idol with flowers and clothes and jewels while chanting slogans in sanskrit or archaic tamil chants.
Thinnan's way of worshipping included washing no bathing linga with spit. He would fill his mouth with water from river nearby and then spit on the idol and then throw flowers on the idol and he serve the idol flesh and raw meat from the prey he hunted.
He basically desecrated the sanctorum. Shiva loved it and accepted his devotion.
One day to test and prove his devotion to others, the eyes of lingam came alive and the hunter was all excited and danced in excitement and trance. Then one of the eyes from the lingam started to bleed and Thinnan couldnt do anything to stop it, so he used his arrow and pulled out his eyeball (slumdog spoon the eyes?) and placed it on the idol. Then the bleeding stopped. Later other eye started to bleed and this time, the hunter placed his foot on the other eye, and started to pull out his other eye.

He did so because he thought that after losing the second eye he maynt be able to find the eye in the idol and his foot marked the spot, Eye-stein hunter?
Then Shiva appeared before him and restored his eyes and made him Kannapa nayanar and gave him place in his abode Kailash - Nayanar/Nachiyar is kinda Duke/Duchess title with immortality in hindu mythology.
Moral of the story:
Morons donate their organs when they are alive and mega morons don't even after they are dead.

Crow/Apollo and Elephant/Dirgathapas - Cursed flyer and cursed singer

Liar! Liar! your wings arent on Flyer

Greek mythology : White lies leads to black feathers


Corvus, the Crow
Legend tells us that the crow once had silver white feathers and a beautiful singing voice. One morning the god Apollo sent the crow to fetch a cup of water.

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Having spied some half-ripened figs, the crow lingered at the spring waiting for them to ripen. He had quite a feast, but soon realized he was due for a scolding from Apollo for his tardiness.

The crow lied to Apollo about his whereabouts but Apollo could easily tell the crow was lying.

He angrily punished him by changing the color of his feathers to black and condemning him to be known in the future for his croak instead of his song.

Hindu mythology : Even non-flyers hate heavy flyers

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In olden days elephants had wings and they were able to fly. One day they tried to rest on top of a big tree and a yogi was teaching his students under that tree. And the branches broke unable to withstand the weight of the tree and it fell on the kids and also on the yogi.
This pushed Yogi into raging fire of inferno, as usual as any Yogi he cursed the elephants to loose their wings. And from that day onwards elephants had no wings and they lost their flight.

So, what would have Yogi done if any bird shat on him? He would have cursed them to be deprived of ..? whatever, I think people in olden days needed more anger management classes.

Yogis are supposed to meditate everyday if not all day.

 Reminds me of Seinfield episode, "Serenity now" 
"Bottles up the anger and then eventually and you blow"
"You were in the nut house"
"What do you think put me there?"
"They found a family in your freezer"
"Serenity now, insanity later"

Moral of the story:

There is a reason why cherries grow on trees big and huge and pumpkins grow on creepers. You wouldnt mind standing under a cherry tree but under a pumpkin tree?
Ok, crow is despicable because of black feathers and croak - what about seagulls then?

Cat/Thor and Monkey/Bheema - Light lifting is heavy

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Norse mythology: Cat's paw

Utgard-Loki(King of Frost giants) gave Thor number of tests to prove his strength.
1. Drain the horn in three drought: He was able to drink he wasnt able to empty it.
2. Lift the cat: He was able to move only one paw
3. Move the grandma : He wasnt able to move grandma but she managed to bring him to his knee.

Thor is one of The mightest gods in Norse mythology. He is the strongest, heaviest and bravest of all.
Thor couldnt pass single test and he left in shame next day.

Trick:
Then the king reveled Thor that the cat's paw was the enormous serpent Jormungand who was long and strong that he could circle the entire world. And being able to lift his paw was remarkable. The horn had its other end in sea. And that old age woman, against her no man had any defense. So, Thor didnt loose but magic just won.


Hindu mythology: Monkey's tail

Not just between Norse/Greek/Indian mythologies you have stories similar in their own mythologies. In Ramayana Sita would urge her husband Rama to catch a golden deer. In Mahabharatha Draupati asked one of her husbands Bheema to fetch the fragrant lotus flowers after getting to smell one of them brought to her by the wind.

Bheema went in search of those flowers and on the way he saw a old fragile monkey with its tail stretched on his path way. He kinda raised his voice and told monkey in a patronizing tone "monkey, move your tail". The monkey replied, "I am too old and weak, if you could please move the tail yourself"
Bheema got down to move the tail but he couldnt, he tried and tried but couldnt.

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Bheema is one of the five brothers Pandhavas known for his strength. He is mightest of all and bravest and the heaviest as well. He never thought that he couldnt lift a fragile monkey's tail. He was humbled.

Trick:
With humility he requested monkey to reveal himself realising that it could be no ordinary monkey. Then the monkey revealed himself - it was none other than the Monkey god - Hanuman from Ramayana who served Rama and Sita.

Moral of the story:
King George is an hero in British and vicious villain in France.
Sleeping with many is termed as as macho-stud in men and as slutty in women.

In my story, if I dont win something, it is always because of tricks and magic by the bad-guys.

Poseidon/Athena and Sakthi/Shiva : Gender wars

Greek mythology

Contest:
The King Cecrops wanted to find a patron deity for his city state. Both Poseidon and Athena wanted to be the deity. In order to choose one of them, the city patrons set a contest and both of them were to give the most valuable gift to the city.

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Poseidon: 
 He struck the earth powerfully and created a well with his trident. Immediately, streaming water shot forth, but the water turned out to be salty and not very useful for the population.(Some claim that he struck his trident and brought a horse)

Athena:
 Athena stepped forward, struck her spear into the ground and then she kneeled and planted an olive branch in it. This way she created an olive tree, as a symbolization of peace and prosperity on earth.

Winner: Athena won because her Olive tree shall become Greek identity for centuries. Virgin Olive? I dont know about that. Olive garden is mini-Itlay not exactly mini-greece.
The city was named as Athens to honor Athena.

The angry and insulted Poseidon cursed Athens with water shortage problem.

 

Hindu mythology

Contest:
Dakshan father for Sakthi conducted Yaga(special prayer) and invited everyone except his son-in-law Lord Shiva and his eloped daughter Shakthi. The enraged Shakthi came down to fight with her dad for disrespecting her husband. Shiva warned her that she wouldnt be able to convince him or make things right instead she shall only be humiliated. She fought with him and went against Shiva's warning. She and her hubby both were humiliated and insulted and she jumped into fire to disrupt the yaga.
Shiva rescued her from fire and took her to his abode Kailash and the fight continued and he pulled "I told you so". The enraged Sakthi fought back saying there is no Shiva without Sakthi and Shiva argued back saying there is no Sakthi without Shiva.

Shiva:
Both fought tooth and nail - say she threw necklace as eagle to fight his snake which he wore as a ornament around his neck. The fight is called Rudrathandavam (angry-dance).
Sakthi:
At his height of rage, Shiva lifted Sakthi and put her on his shoulder and spun her around non-stop in extreme force and speed. Sakthi's bodies tore into 108 pieces and landed on earth. Every part that fell on earth became holy place of worship for Shakthi. They even have a temple in India where her vagina fell down and is worshipped by all women who have menstrual problems.

Fun fact:
That is India for you, they wont allow women inside temple during menstrutal period or dare to touch a woman during her menstrual period(not in 50Shades of Grey way). But, no woman shall be allowed inside home during her time of the month or be allowed to cook or touch anyone.
But they built a temple for Sakthi's vagina(Yoni) (Kamagiri in Assam) and till day they do special poojas(prayers) and they close temple for three days (Ambuvachi) and reopen on fourth day  during her "time of the month".
Do you also know - one of Lord Vishnu's avatar Ranganathan's consort/concubine is a muslim(Nachiyar) and she has her own temple but in the same Ranganathan temple in Srirangam they dont allow non-hindus inside the shrine?

Anyway back to story,

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Finally all other gods and subjects pleaded to Shiva and subdued his rage and he brought Sakthi back alive. Verdict was - the world needs both Shiva and Sakthi - both equally and Shiva doesnt exist without Sakthi and Sakthi doesnt exist without Shiva. The unison of both - lingam - is the most powerful of all.

Winner :
Ardhanarishavar - Androgynous form of both Shiva and Sakthi. Half of Shiva and Half of Sakthi. No not trangenders. They are upper half and lower half - horizontal whereas Ardhanarishvar is left half(Sakthi) and right half(Shiva).


Moral of the story:
In the fight versus Men Vs Women,clearly the winner is always a woman. It is always a pyrhic victory for men. Never ever fight a gal.

See, Poseidon made water salty and non-potable and cursed Athens with watershortage problems adding more oily points to Athena and Shiva tore Sakthi to pieces gaining more sympathy votes for Parvati.

Joe Biden Vs Sarah Palin or Hilary Clinton Vs Sarah Palin?

Myrrha and Saraswati - Woody Allens of yesteryear

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Myrrha:
Dad- Cinyras and mother - Cenchresis.
The curse:
Because of the curse , she was unable to suppress her forbidden love and desire on her dad and tried to commit suicide. The nurse who took pity on her accepted to become her pimp and disguised her and sent her to her dad's room. 
Take "no" for an answer:
She was infatuated with her but her dad wasnt. So, she decided to cheat and trick her dad to have an affair with her.She disguised herself and in the dark continued the affair for several nights all the while Cinyras only knew that he was sleeping with someone of his daughter Myrrah's age but didnt know that it was Myrrah herself.
Disguise and the chase:
When he came to know of it, he tried to kill her and she ran away from him to save her life. She prayed to gods to be relieved from all the suffering. On her request they turned her into a tree and after 9-10 months she delivered her son Adonis while she was in tree form.

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Saraswati:
When Brahma created the world from chaos , to bring order he had bring knowledge. And Sarawati- goddess of knowledge emerged from his mouth. Under her tutelage Brahma acquired wisdom and everything. He feel in love with his own creation but Sarawati denied.
Disguise and the chase:
In order to escape from his advances she took cow avatar and ran away but Brahma chased her in form of bull. This game continued
Sarawati - mare, Brahma - Horse. Brahma even gave himself 4 heads on four sides to hunt Sarawasti anyform. Both of them werent ready to give up.
Angered Sarawasti cursed him that he shall have no temple for he deserves no reverence. But Brahma wasnt ready to give up. He added one more head on the top to hunt for Saraswati.
Help arrived "Indian style"
 Enraged Shiva came to Sarawasti's rescue and chopped off his top head and Saraswati took pity on him and Brahma lust subdued and he had to do a puja/yagna(prayer) to cleanse himself and to do yagna he needed a wife.
So, Brahma married Saraswati.

If you watch any Indian movie, this maynt surprise you, the punishment for rapists in India - marry his victim. (Brahma style)

Moral of the story:
Whether it is god or the beast , the beauty has to marry the perv.

Semele and Sanjna - Spouse is on fire, no, he is fire?

Greek mythology:
Semele: The mortal that got burnt

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Daughter of Cadmus and Harmonia.
Semele and Zeus:
Zeus the playboy god of Olympus, fell in love with Semele just like other zillion women.
The jealous Hera,wife of Zeus, wanted to break it off. She disguised herself as nurse Beroe and served Semele and gained trust with Semele. 
When Semele became pregnant, Hera put an idea into her mind. She sowed seeds of doubt and jealousy in Semele.
Hera persuaded Semele to push Zeus to show his true-self ie god-like form to her.
Fire and the heat:
And the brainwashed Semele asked Zeus to reveal his true form and wasnt ready to take NO for an answer. 
Zeus, revealed himself in his full lightning-ignited flame, and that killed the frail human Semele.
Kid:
Before her body was cold, Zeus snatched the unborn fetus from her and sewed it into his own thigh.
The son, Dionysus born via seahorse pregnancy of Dionysus,  with the permission of Zeus, went to the Underworld Hades and raised his mother Semele from the dead and brought her to Olympus and made her immortal goddess Thyone.




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Hindu mythology: Run-away bride
Sanjna:
Daughter of celestial architect and designer Viswakarma. Sanjna and Surya:
From childhood she enjoyed outdoors just to enjoy the warmth of the sun, she loved Sun. The parents noted their daughter's crush and when it was right time, they married off Sanjna to the Sun the god Surya.
The fire and the heat:
She was happy before Summer, but around Summer, she started to feel the radiance and unbearable heat of Sun. She couldnt bear the glow and the heat and wanted to leave him.
Anti-elope:
She created a lookalike of herself Chhaya - Goddess Shadow and replaced her in her place. Then Sanjna morphed herself into a mare and left Sun and her three kids to a jungle to live far away from Sun's heat and radiance.
Sun didnt notice that he had been duped and continued with Chhaya instead of Sanjna for longtime. One day when his wife's curse on his kid Yama came to effect, he knew that Chhaya wasnt Sanjna. (Mom's curse on her own kid doesnt come true, yeah right).
After learning the truth from Chhaya, he went in search of Sanjna.
Kids:
Not to tick her off, he morphed himself into a horse and chased her, lured her and reconciled with her and lived with her for a while before he brought her back home.
She gave birth to twins Ashvins- the divine horsemen.

I always wanted to have a identical twin sister for this reason. And wanted to give birth to identical twins. I got twins but fraternal twins :) Sun couldnt figure out that he was living with another woman but figured out based on cursing?

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not able to break up with your galfriend? or need to divorce your wife?
Try,
" I showed my true form and my wife burned to ashes"
" This is not she, this is her lookalike, shadow "
you may be sent to psychiatric ward for a while, which is still a victory, right?

Endymion/Selene and Kumbakarnana/Saraswati - Women in white as white noise and hibernation





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Endymion - Greek Mythology
Son of Zeus and Calyce

The goddess Selene:Selene, the moon goddess fell in love with beauty and handsomeness of the sleeping Endymion when he was slumbering in cave of Mt.Latmus.

The gift and the curse:
His lover Selene asked Zeus to give him eternal youth and eternal sleep and immortality so that she could come everynight and violate him  when he is sleeping. The moon goddess visited him during his sleep not in his sleep and slept with him and they had 50 kids. 50 stars? Not sure.


See, in fairytales the prince always has to kiss the sleeping beauties to wake them up and then make love to them. Here the beauty put the prince to sleep and then kissed him and made love to him. And she had 50 kids with him.

Nappily ever before? Women should have the power of NO and also the impulse control I guess.


Kumbakarnan - Hindu mythology
Brother of antagonist Ravana in Ramayan.
He is huge and had a enormous appetite. Not just monstrosity of his size, but his pious and good natured attitude and courage made even the Lord of Deva's Indra jealous and be afraid of him.

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The goddess Saraswati:
Saraswati is the goddess of knowledge,speech and education in hinduism and also wife of Brahma.

After Kumbakarna's deep penance Lord Brahma appeared before him and asked him what did he want as a gift. The scared Indra who didnt want Kumbakarna to be given any blessing  begged Brahma's wife Sarawasti to alter his words by manipulating his tongue.
The gift and the curse
He wanted to ask for Indra's seat (Indrasena) and instead Sarawasti made it to come out as Nidrasaana(bed to sleep) and another one was Nirdevatnam(annihilation of Devas) instead Brahma heard it as Nirdravatnam(sleep).

Brahma granted what he heard that is the cursed gift which was "He would sleep for six months in a year and stay awake for another six months"
and if he ever were to be awaken during his hibernation period he would die.
During Ramayana war, his brother forced and woke him up during his deep slumber and Kumbakarna died in the war.

There is a saying in Indian culture that you are not to wake any sleeping soul. That's one of the greatest sins.

Moral of the story:
Which is the bigger crime? Which is more immoral?
1.Putting a man to sleep and then violating him and getting the worst STD possible - kids - 50 kids.
(or)
2.When the man goes on deep penance ie skip food, sleep and pleasures of life for life and when he is about to get lucky with boon/gift from the god, you mess it up and change it to curse and change the climax forever?

Iduna and Sita - Abducted women refuse to share their apples/cookies



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Norse mythology:
Iduna:-Wife of Bragi
She had a wonderful garden with flowers , greens and blossoms everywhere. She had a apple casket where she had apples of youth. The casket never ran out, if she pulled one apple out, it got refilled with another apple automatically. The gods and goddess of Aesir- Asgard came to her garden and ate her apples and thus were able to beat mortality. The magic apples helped them maintain their youth and health forever.

The bait:
Loki had to fulfill a promise he made to Giant Thiassi, and that was to get him access to Iduna's apples. So, he tricked Iduna - he told her that nearby he saw another apple tree and the apples from that tree were more delicious and bigger and better than Iduna's. That definitely bruised her ego. He asked her if she wanted to come and check it out herself. He asked her to carry her casket too to compare it then and there.

Hubby's warning:
Iduna was told by husband not to wander away from home, she momentarily ignored that and stepped out of her gate and the giant Thiassi seized the moment and snatched her and her casket in the form of eagle and kidnapped her to his place.

As hostage and Ellewoman: Jotunheim
She was held hostage there and she denied to share her apples with the giant. And if he tried to force himself to pick one from the casket the apple started to shrink , shrink and shrink away to nothing.

Everyday giant came to ask Iduna if she had made up her mind to give him apples. And Idun always replied "NO". She was held a prisoner with no men around except Thiassi and ever happy Ellewoman. Ellewomens' bodies were hollow lacking heart and they totally lacked compassion.

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Hindu mythology:
Sita:
-Wife of Rama
Rama was crown prince of Ayothya. His dad had to fulfill a  promise he made to Rama's stepmom. Which was -Rama had to give up crown and be sent to forest for 14 years. During Rama's exile period in forest, he resided with Sita and his brother Lakshman in a small hut.

The bait:
Ravana - the evil king of Lanka asked his minion Maricha to disguise himself as a golden deer and chase the men out of the home. Maricha did and Sita asked her husband and her brother-in-law to go and catch the golden deer.

Hubby's warning:
The men left and asked her not to cross the magic line they drew around the hut to protect her. Ravana disguised himself as a yogi and asked Sita for food. When she came out with food, he refused and pretended to take offense when she refused to serve him crossing the line. Ravana couldn't cross the line. Sita didn't want to offend the yogi so she stepped out of line - literally, Ravana seized the moment and abducted her in his flying chariot - Vimana and took her to his place in Ceylon/Srilanka

As hostage and Rakshashi : Asoka vanam
She was held hostage there and she denied to share her cookies with the Rakshash . And if he tried to force himself on her, he would die that is a curse he accumulated for his previous rape attempt. So, in order to make her fall in love with him, he tried everything under the sun. He tried to lure her with all the things in the world. But Sita wasn't to budge.

Everyday Rakshash Ravana came to ask  Sita if she had made up her mind to give him her cookie. And Sita always replied "NO". She was held a prisoner with no men around except Ravana and Rakshashis - amazon woman of hindu mythology. These women had to say stories about Ravana and praise him and make Sita fall in love with him. Sita lacked compassion.

Moral of the story:
Lord Rama after rescuing his dear wife Sita, asked her to bathe in FIRE (Panchagni - Agni pariksha) to prove that she was indeed pure and she didn't share her cookie with anyone and she did and came out alive.

(If Sita was Andi and Rama was Juan Pablo of "The Bachelor" - ABC) Click here

Sita: I realized I wasn't in love with you and I will never will. I waited to say that in person to you.
Rama : Eesss oh-okay.
Sita: Okay? It's NOT okay. I had my wonderful place all to myself , a wonderful beautiful garden and Rakshana women who waited on hand and foot for me, the Lankan king offered me everything under the sun to fall in love with him and I rejected everything and I put myself out here for you, all for what? For you to set me on FIRE?

Rama : Esss okay.
            Did you die in the fire? No.
            Am I disappointed - yeah.. but Esss..okay...

Maybe Sita is mother of all women who fall for badguys. Because nice ones - Essss NOT oh-kay?

Vali and Garuda - Grown in a day to be a pawn in mom's revenge game

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Norse mythology:
Frigga:
Mom of Baldr and wife of Odin
Backstory:
Frigga was having nighmares about her son's demise. She prepared a list and asked everyone and everything to sign that they wont harm or kill her son. She didn't ask mistletoe since she felt it was too simple and fragile and couldn't harm her son. And so everyone did.
Game:
Everyone got intrigued and played a game and entered testing ie poke, try to kill Baldr with all weapons and everything. Mom's petition and sign worked. Noone was able to kill Baldr.
Death of half-brother:
The trickster Loki, knowing the missed out mistletoe list planed a trick. He tricked by tricking out Hoor's arrow with mistletoe and asked to join the game to test whether Baldr was truly invincible.
Hoor was blind.
Dad Odin even tried to revive or resurrect him by sending his other son Hermon to plead to Hel goddess to send him back. She agreed on one condition. If everyone wept for Baldr then she would send him back. Again, trickster Loki disguised himself as a witch and refused to cry.
Revenge:
The deranged mommy ordered a plate of Vali- express overnite delivery..
Vali:
Son of Odin and giantess Rindr.

He was born in a day and grew up to a full human and slayed Hoor instantly.

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Hindu mythology:
Vinata:
Mom of Garuda and another half-born(Aruna) and wife of Kasyappa.
Backstory:
Vinata and her sister Kadru were married to the same guy and both competed to become mom first.
Both of their wishes were granted, Kadru was given 1000 snake eggs and Vinata two eggs. Snake egg hatched early and Vinata couldn't wait long so she impatiently broken one egg open.
Death of half-brother:
Truly half-brother, because he wasn't born yet, since momma broke the egg early before it hatched, a half-human son from the broken egg came out furious and cursed his mom.
"You would become a slave to your sister and my brother after longtime will come and free you"
Game: Story
She lost a bet with her sister when they were playing game of white tail/black tail about the divine horse. Olden days blue car/red car. But loser becoming slave? Imagine that..
Garuda:
Half-human and half-eagle born from second egg  of Vinata and Kashyapa
Revenge:
The second egg hatched Garuda, immediately he was all grown and was raging man of fire. He had the ability to grow to mountain-size or shrink pea-size as he wished.
To release his mom from slavery he was to fetch elixir Amritha and give it to his cousin serpents.
He did and to take revenge till day snakes became his meal - bread and butter.

Garuda was the ally of the gods and the trusty mount of Vishnu, as well as the implacable enemy of snakes, upon whom he preyed at every opportunity

Moral of the story:
Revenge is best served cold but the server should be delivered piping hot and should grow super fast.

Erichthonius and Drona - Clone growing up in pot/box wombs

Erichthonius
Son of Hephaestus but Athena

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Hephaestus
Hephaestus is half-brother of Athena. He even helped his dad deliver Athena from his head by axing it.
Athena
Athena is virgin goddess. But when the virgin goddess sister came for help to procure some weapons, he overcame with lust and tried to chase and rape her.

The virgin goddess ran away rejecting his advances, the rejection led him to ejaculate. He did that on her thighs. The disgusted Athena wiped it away with wool and threw it in a box and closed it. That fluid become the monozygote (not a scientifically accurate term and this isn't a science blog ;)) for a fetus to develop inside the box.
The box became the womb for Erichthonius to develop to a full term baby.

I have thought about making homemade shampoos instead of whalesperm shampoos - now I am truly terrified. I cant have fetus growing inside shampoo bottles.

Drona 
Son of Bharadwaj but Ghritachi
Bharadwaj
This sage was the son of Brihaspati. He had his hermitage on the banks of the river Ganga, close to the place where Ganga is born from the Himalayas.
One day, he went to the river to purify himself before performing his daily AgniHotra (fire) sacrifice. The Ghritachi was bathing in the river. As she arose from the river, her clothes got rearranged. When the sage beheld her semi-clothed beauty, he was struck with burning desire. He collected the fluid that emerged spontaneously from his body in a water pot.
Same logic, the monozygote developed to a fetus and grew up to become Drona.

This way doesn't involve morning sickness, mood swings or even the pot sized belly.

Pot becomes the belly.

Moral of the story:
Jerking off is genocide. Anti-masturbation is new code word for anti-infanticide.
( Dont miss this masterpiece )

All pro-life warriors should fight against wanking and fight to death to save life of all these potential babies to be born from wank spills.

Dionysus and Karthikeyan - Raised by constellation turned water-nymphs

Dionysus and Karthikeyan - Raised by constellation turned water-nymphs

Greek mythology:

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Dionysus :
Son of Zeus and mortal Semele
Trick and Fire and Birth:
Trick:
Hera the greeneyed wife of Zeus instead of confronting her playboy husband tricked Semele and planned her demise as well as her unborn's demise by asking her to request Zeus reveal himself in true form ie radiance, heat and light.
Fire:
Zeus did comply though he didn't want to ,  Zeus came to her armed in his thunder and lightning and the mortal woman couldn't handle the all that and got burnt to ashes. Zeus revived his love-child fetus from ashes and sewed him in his thigh until he was ready to be born.
Birth:
Dionysus is known as twice-born. The second birth was from fire and only Zeus was involved no intercourse, IUI or IVF. Dionysus is greek mythology version of cloned sheep Dolly :)
Water-nymphs:
Dionysus was raised by water-nymphs ie rain-nymphs of Mount Nysa.
As a tribute they were turned to constellation called Pleiades.

Hindu mythology:

Karthikeyan:
Son of Shiva and Parvati.
Trick and Fire and Birth:
Trick:
A son born to Shiva and Parvati was supposed to kill the Tarakan an Asura(demon). But there was no romance sparking between Shiva and Parvati. So, the god of love "Kama" was sent to make Shiva fall in love with Parvati and impregnate her.  He indeed shot flower arrow on Shiva while he was in deep penance, but instead of sparking romance it unleashed a Colorado forest fire of rage. The enraged Shiva burnt Kama to ashes.

Fire:
Then when Shiva cooled down, and after hearing to the need for a kid and why Kama had to shoot him and all, he agreed to comply. But inside of choosing to sleep with his wife and wait for another 10 months to pop out a kid, he fast tracked the process and  he created six balls of fire from his third eye and created 6 boys.
Birth:
Another version mentions that the furious Shiva was spilling all fire from his third eye and his semen aka six semen seeds in form of fire spilled in the Saravana tank ie water-form of his wife Parvati and thereby six kids were born.
What to say, the birth wasn't water-birth but an IVF experiment in a water tank instead of petri dish?
Water-nymphs:
They were all merged to one kid known as Karthikeyan. (My favorite god by the way)
He was raised by six water-nymphs known as Krithikais.
As a thanks to their service they were all made to constellation called Krithikai.

Moral of the story:
 Lord Shiva had some serious semen spilling problem. I couldn't recollect any biological kid of his,
-Murugan - Semen spill in tank
- Ganesha - Born from turmeric mold made by Parvati (Turmeric pinnochio?)
-Ayyapa - Born from semen pill of Lord Shiva to LGBT transgender avatar of Lord Vishnu's - Mohini.
In Iyyapa story he was immediately all attracted to Vishnu's transgender form Mohini, but here even after Kama's help  he couldn't impregnate his wife the traditional way. Even the almighty had performance problems.